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dosthecat
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
Posts: 2111
Location: Ippie, QLD
Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:50 pm |
 Post subject: the absurd, the disgusting, the elliott. |
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yesterday i craved quiet place. so i left at midday, early for me. i walked behind the racetrack through the bush, did my morning poo courtesy of a KFC towelette i found (it was sealed when i found it, hence sanitary).
i got up to my quiet place via the school, just before lunchbreak. i was wearing red, with an undercoat of blue, so i didn't want to stick around. near my hovel, i sort of sat for a bit and did nothing, screamed until i discovered shrieking, shrieked for a little while, and went for a walk to find waterproofing.
i searched down the hill, south of the hovel, until a hole caught my eye. it was about six inches wide, about a foot and a half deep, and it had a filthy ipswich cane toad at the bottom. it's a bad day for you, mister, i've got a machete up top, and your tunnel doesn't have a backdoor. so i grabbed it out using a gummy bear wrapper as a glove, and ran with it back to the chopping block, grabbing the machete on the way. chop, across the middle, perpendicular to the spine. black lumpy stuff came out, and the toad i think was killed instantly, with an amusing bout of twitching to follow.
i sort of marvelled at what i'd done for a little while, until i noticed a bit of movement in one of the back legs. this thing had a huge gash halfway across it's back, running straight through, and it still had the nerve to move. so i chopped it again, twice for good measure. the first seperated the toad into two pieces, the head end and the bum end were connected by a few millimeters of ick. the second decapitated the animal, mostly... when humans can see into your skull and the difference between you and three lumps of ugly is a few tatters of skin, you're having a very bad day mister.
i looked at the toad again, closer this time. the lumpy black stuff looked like caviar. our mister was a missus, and by killing it i had prevented the birth of jillions of baby ugly. a good deed, if i may say so myself.
cane toad busting night, here we come! |
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dosthecat
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
Posts: 2111
Location: Ippie, QLD
Wed Jul 18, 2007 3:58 pm |
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last night i was thinking about that toad, and i wondered about what i'd do with it. maybe i could bury it, put it in a little coffin, and mark the grave site with an itty-bitty cross... then i realised that you just don't put crosses on cane toad's graves unless they're christians, and cane toads can't be christians because there was never a cane toad jesus!
so i've decided. next cane toad i find gets to play the starring role in a re-enactment of mel gibson's classic, "the passion of the christ"...
...
just when you thought i couldn't get any more twisted. |
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That Guy
Joined: 31 May 2007
Posts: 821
Wed Jul 18, 2007 4:04 pm |
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lol pins instead of nails:P
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