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dosthecat
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
Posts: 2111
Location: Ippie, QLD
Tue Dec 12, 2006 9:13 pm |
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yeah, i think that's been an underlying theme of thread but hasn't realy been said til now, that people say it, thinking that they mean it, without understanding how big it is. i dunno, i'm guilty of this myself, but i suppose that by the time you say "i love you" in a romantic relationship, you've been changed forever. you'll always remember as long as you live, the way she was in the first few weeks, her laugh, her smile, her... i'm getting off track, dreamy... but anyway, yeah, you say it, by that time it (the relationship) should be in the top five biggest things that willl ever happen to you: your parents divorce, you see a man get shot, you say i love you, your parents die, you have children. like that, i suppose.
don't waste it. awhile back, i think adam said that the other person becomes more important than yourself, and i think from about then its safe to say it, and mean it. |
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gtfo - cc
Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3778
Location: Wherever the voices tell me.
Wed Dec 13, 2006 9:46 am |
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It seems some people are using "I love you" to validate themselves within the relationship, subconsciously build a false security blanket, but I agree with what you said about the 1 week relationships and such, its just ridiculous.
| dosthecat wrote: | | people say it, thinking that they mean it, without understanding how big it is. |
Although it is really hard to even try to understand the extremities (sp?) of it, questioning if you are or not is such a hard thing to do simply because you've never felt it before you have no...pretty much idea about it.
| dosthecat wrote: | | by the time you say "i love you" in a romantic relationship, you've been changed forever. |
That's why it's such a big thing  , and also thats why unfortunatel we get annoyed when we see people throwing it around so much.
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dosthecat
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
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Location: Ippie, QLD
Wed Dec 13, 2006 10:18 am |
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hmmm, agree. 'security blanket' has me imagining a teenage TV girl whose father disapproves saying, "BUT DADDY!!! I LOVE HIM!". is that the kind of thing? that sometimes people say it to justify what they believe is the depth of the relationship?
1 week love mightn't be that hard, if you've known the person for awhile previous to the relationship. maybe. i dunno. |
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clairey
Joined: 16 Jun 2006
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Wed Dec 13, 2006 3:32 pm |
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this topic bores me... everyone seems to be going over the same thing over and over.
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gtfo - cc
Joined: 30 May 2006
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Wed Dec 13, 2006 5:03 pm |
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Yeah, thats kinda what I mean, but also telling the person you love them (or each other); using the word 'love' as a validation between them, in a sense providing a false security of a permanent bond between them... i.e. validating their 'togetherness'.... Sorry, that makes near to no sense at all 
So you've linked 'going out' to 'love', which can be seen as many others as a justification to love, without any understanding of previous relations obviously.
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Lolli[pop]ian
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Joined: 19 Jun 2006
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Wed Dec 13, 2006 5:27 pm |
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i don't understand how almost always on romantic movies, like people have supposedly been in love with someone else...even though they've never been 'together'...like smallville, derr clark has not loved lana since he was 7 - thats tv though...oh well, same thing...
love after a few weeks, i cannot see possible, as elliot said, you know, maybe if you've known them for ages it could happen...but i kinda doubt that too... bleh
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gtfo - cc
Joined: 30 May 2006
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Wed Dec 13, 2006 5:46 pm |
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*blushes*... Oohhhhh wait an emoticon
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dosthecat
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
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Location: Ippie, QLD
Wed Dec 13, 2006 5:54 pm |
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yes clever, he uses big words.
something debbie brought up made me think. can 7 year olds love?
my little brother was 7 when his dog died, we buried it, he said a wee eulogy as if nothing had happened. recently most of you will have seen a clear-eyed bindi irwin doing similarly. i imagine its pretty hard for an adult to do anything when your father dies...
children understand loss, however, eg: you give a child a lollipop, let it have it awhile, then take it away and throw it. child will cry. children understand pain, they realise that if someone is hit by a car and hurt badly it's not a good thing. but they seem to have a gap where the person hit by a car falls into a coma and dies.
i'd like to hear if anyone else has similar accounts of children and death/injury. especially any involving psychological trauma. |
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gtfo - cc
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Wed Dec 13, 2006 6:12 pm |
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People learn to love, thats what I think.
Just recently a close relative of mine died (Mum's uncle) he had young kids, 7 year old (Jessie) and about 11 year old (Matthew). We'll call him my uncle, he lost a three year battle with cancer... very sad really. But back to the subject at hand, young jessie didn't seem very affected by it at all, she asked "How is daddy going to get out of there without a ladder" as the casket was lowering into the ground. Young matthew, seemed a lot more affected by it; which we'll assume the understanding and the affectiveness will be the gap of age and maturity. Matthew's marks went down for the remainder of the year and Jessie seem bearly affected by it.
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Lolli[pop]ian
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Joined: 19 Jun 2006
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Wed Dec 13, 2006 6:16 pm |
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| dosthecat wrote: | yes clever, he uses big words.
something debbie brought up made me think. can 7 year olds love?
my little brother was 7 when his dog died, we buried it, he said a wee eulogy as if nothing had happened. recently most of you will have seen a clear-eyed bindi irwin doing similarly. i imagine its pretty hard for an adult to do anything when your father dies...
children understand loss, however, eg: you give a child a lollipop, let it have it awhile, then take it away and throw it. child will cry. children understand pain, they realise that if someone is hit by a car and hurt badly it's not a good thing. but they seem to have a gap where the person hit by a car falls into a coma and dies.
i'd like to hear if anyone else has similar accounts of children and death/injury. especially any involving psychological trauma. |
validation isn't a big word  adam is smart boy i agree with him, stupid people throwing love around...it shouldn't be used so easily, you should have to earn it...
oh and to the rest of what you were saying, i heard some of terry's interview and she was saying that bob didn't understand that his dad wasn't coming back |
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gtfo - cc
Joined: 30 May 2006
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Wed Dec 13, 2006 7:21 pm |
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Awww, thanks debbie... Heh, i'm picturing love like a funny sized ball with all these immature 'peeps' throwing it around. But yeah, I agree with you too *shakes fist at logic people*.
As for the interview, do you know how old 'bob' is? (Shut up steve)
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Lolli[pop]ian
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Thu Dec 14, 2006 9:53 am |
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| i know he just had his birthday and he can walk...sorry thats all |
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dosthecat
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
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Location: Ippie, QLD
Thu Dec 14, 2006 1:41 pm |
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to wiki! ...nothing. born in 1940. but mabe that's a completely different psychological thing, maybe it goes back to my own, "i can trick my mind" thing. you spend 40 years with a person, who becomes your best mate AND son, then goodbye ain't easy.
chances are that many of us would rather shallowly believe a lie than a truth like that... |
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Budderball
Joined: 31 May 2006
Posts: 1056
Location: Bundamba
Thu Dec 14, 2006 10:11 pm |
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| urgh arent u guys over this whole ordeal? ok it was a good discussion at the start... but now its pretty muchjust dead and lame posts about how all of you guys despise saying I Love you! |
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dosthecat
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
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Location: Ippie, QLD
Fri Dec 15, 2006 12:05 am |
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| nono, i've definately moved on to death. and the mind. the mind still plays a part in this, so it's not completely off... i never thought, but i've got interested in this thread again... |
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Wilkins
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Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3452
Location: What?
Fri Dec 15, 2006 2:44 pm |
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| Budderball wrote: | | urgh arent u guys over this whole ordeal? ok it was a good discussion at the start... but now its pretty muchjust dead and lame posts about how all of you guys despise saying I Love you! |
...This is the sort of post that screams "I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING, IM A HYPOCRITE, I TELL PEOPLE TO GET OVER IT AND YET I POST IN HERE"... Well it does to me anyway 
Love is complicated... We all, when we were 10 years old said "oh I love her" without knowing anything about her/him... We constantly confused lust with love. You can probably figure out if you "love" somebody if all you can do is think of them, dream of them and want to be with them all the time and all you can do is speak about them... Even then you may only like them...
| Quote: | Yeah, thats kinda what I mean, but also telling the person you love them (or each other); using the word 'love' as a validation between them, in a sense providing a false security of a permanent bond between them... i.e. validating their 'togetherness'.... Sorry, that makes near to no sense at all
So you've linked 'going out' to 'love', which can be seen as many others as a justification to love, without any understanding of previous relations obviously. |
Yep, that screams me all over it.. Well what I mean is... I used to say a lot of "I love you" 's to my ex's to make me feel secure and just to show to people that I wasn't doing bad things behind their back... Kinda pointless when I think about it
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gtfo - cc
Joined: 30 May 2006
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Fri Dec 15, 2006 5:43 pm |
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| Budderball wrote: | | urgh arent u guys over this whole ordeal? ok it was a good discussion at the start... but now its pretty muchjust dead and lame posts about how all of you guys despise saying I Love you! |
I wouldnt' quite call it an ordeal, i'd say its a civil (or was) conversation regarding our own personal views on this subject (hence the thread title) and I think we're almost an an analogy (..*shakes fist). For those who still find this interesting; continue posting here And if you dont, find else where. If you hadn't noticed, we dont despise people being in love and saying "I love you", its just the fact that its thrown around so much, it's almost seeming to be pointless.
| Wilkins wrote: | | ...This is the sort of post that screams "I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING, IM A HYPOCRITE, I TELL PEOPLE TO GET OVER IT AND YET I POST IN HERE"... Well it does to me anyway |
Me too 
Next quote....
| Wilkins wrote: | | Love is complicated [...] We constantly confused lust with love. |
Infatuation, 'we' couldnt' put an apporpriate word to our feelings and mistook (sp?) it for 'love'
| Wilkins wrote: | | You can probably figure out if you "love" somebody if all you can do is think of them, dream of them and want to be with them all the time and all you can do is speak about them... Even then you may only like them... |
Its still not that easy... believe me.
Next quote perhaps...
| dosthecat wrote: | | nono, i've definately moved on to death. and the mind. |
Love is definately a key componant to the effectiveness of death, thats obvsiously why its so effective to some people more so than others, i.e. my story up there about "Jessie and Matthew"... one being more affected than the other, due to the understanding of love and loss.
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Lolli[pop]ian
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Joined: 19 Jun 2006
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Fri Dec 15, 2006 6:44 pm |
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| Budderball wrote: | | urgh arent u guys over this whole ordeal? ok it was a good discussion at the start... but now its pretty muchjust dead and lame posts about how all of you guys despise saying I Love you! |
oh boo hoo, you don't have to come in read it...you apparently know all about the feeling of love, but those of us who have never experienced don't...and it's a really interesting topic for me, i'm learning things, so sorry that's annoying you...urgh |
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inf0rm3r
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Thu Dec 21, 2006 2:01 am |
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BAK TO YOU BRUDDA!
| Quote: | | you apparently know all about the feeling of love |
Yea i know everything. I know how you feel debbie right now.
My XX.XX cents is this world needs more love now show the love. Love u all |
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gtfo - cc
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Thu Dec 21, 2006 11:36 am |
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Sometimes I wish things could be a little clearer to understand, *shakes fist at complexity of emotions*. *sigh* (good type)... One day.
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Wilkins
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Thu Dec 21, 2006 11:53 am |
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Yeah I agree... Wether (sp?) to use a chainsaw or a hammer to get back at someone... All of it is confusing
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Kaity
Joined: 16 Jun 2006
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Location: Bundamba
Sat Dec 23, 2006 4:56 pm |
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i think what some of you are forgetting is that love is a connection .... no matter how deep or how small
in some way it means something to all of us
it affects us all differently
you dont need to be with someone for 25 years to know whether you love them, simple spending time with another can open your eyes to how much you really appreciate that person
cause isn't that all love actually is.........
an appreciation for another human being...... or for that manner any animal or thing
some may say its ridiculous but you really can love a thing ...... again is a huge appreciation for something
okay that just about does it for me
peace out.
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Mr Mittens
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Sat Dec 23, 2006 5:33 pm |
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Wow, go Kaity. I think she's pretty much nailed it on the head
Its intresting, we all have such differing views of love, all so different but at the same time all right in one way or another...
I love our group!
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Lolli[pop]ian
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Joined: 19 Jun 2006
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Sat Dec 23, 2006 5:39 pm |
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| Kaity wrote: | i think what some of you are forgetting is that love is a connection .... no matter how deep or how small
in some way it means something to all of us
it affects us all differently
you dont need to be with someone for 25 years to know whether you love them, simple spending time with another can open your eyes to how much you really appreciate that person
cause isn't that all love actually is.........
an appreciation for another human being...... or for that manner any animal or thing
some may say its ridiculous but you really can love a thing ...... again is a huge appreciation for something
okay that just about does it for me
peace out. |
I agree . It's just the 'in love' feeling is hard to know because there are different types, right?...like the love you have for parents and friends is different to the love married couples (hopefully) feel for each other. |
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dosthecat
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
Posts: 2111
Location: Ippie, QLD
Sat Dec 23, 2006 5:44 pm |
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i thought i already posted here... oh well, here goes!
agree. on the way you spelled my name.
*is philosopher*
i reckon love is undefinable. we all have it, we all know what it is, but the value changes from person to person. this just came to mind, the way on movies etc you have people say omg lyk im your'e bigest fan lol. there is no way of measuring whether or not the person stating this is truly the 'bigest fan lol'. the same is true of the person saying 'i love you'. even though the person saying they're the 'bigest fan' may think he/she is the bigest fan, they probably aren't. in fact, the celebrity they are talking to may have already heard that four other people are their 'bigest fan'. |
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Lolli[pop]ian
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Sat Dec 23, 2006 5:52 pm |
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| So how do people know they're infact 'in love'? Is it just a guess? |
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Kung-Fu
Joined: 13 Dec 2006
Posts: 997
Location: Eliza lives places.
Sat Dec 23, 2006 5:52 pm |
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| Kaity wrote: | i think what some of you are forgetting is that love is a connection .... no matter how deep or how small
in some way it means something to all of us
it affects us all differently
you dont need to be with someone for 25 years to know whether you love them, simple spending time with another can open your eyes to how much you really appreciate that person
cause isn't that all love actually is.........
an appreciation for another human being...... or for that manner any animal or thing
some may say its ridiculous but you really can love a thing ...... again is a huge appreciation for something
okay that just about does it for me
peace out. |
I actually agree with you.
The only thing I don't agree with is throwing an "I love you" at the first person you happen to get along with.
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dosthecat
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
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Sat Dec 23, 2006 7:38 pm |
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yeah... yeah. i think if you honestly examine yourself for long enough you will realise whether or not you are in fact in love, debbie.
another thing in this topic is the gap between, "i really, really like you." and, "i love you". so people automatically round up. [/code] |
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Wilkins
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Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3452
Location: What?
Sat Dec 23, 2006 7:59 pm |
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| Kaity wrote: | i think what some of you are forgetting is that love is a connection .... no matter how deep or how small
in some way it means something to all of us
it affects us all differently
you dont need to be with someone for 25 years to know whether you love them, simple spending time with another can open your eyes to how much you really appreciate that person
cause isn't that all love actually is.........
an appreciation for another human being...... or for that manner any animal or thing
some may say its ridiculous but you really can love a thing ...... again is a huge appreciation for something
okay that just about does it for me
peace out. |
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dosthecat
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Sat Dec 23, 2006 8:05 pm |
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| great post wilkins... |
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