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dosthecat
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
Posts: 2111
Location: Ippie, QLD
Mon Aug 06, 2007 7:56 pm |
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| hrmm, i have/had a present you can't eat, but i'm not sure if you should have it, because it's more of a story with a thing attached than a present... and most of the story can be taken as a compliment, and you're not good at compliments, so i don't know whether to give it to you or not... |
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upendy
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Mon Aug 06, 2007 7:58 pm |
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I'm.. slowly getting better, with the whole compliments thing. I think.
Go ahead, if you want. |
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That Guy
Joined: 31 May 2007
Posts: 821
Tue Aug 07, 2007 3:37 pm |
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yeh ive noticed taht
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dosthecat
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
Posts: 2111
Location: Ippie, QLD
Tue Aug 07, 2007 4:18 pm |
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| okay then, expect me at school around second break with a present. if i'm lucky robbie will get a gruesome gift as well, in the form of a dead miner bird. |
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upendy
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Tue Aug 07, 2007 4:48 pm |
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7 August
"Penny looks like an idiot, LOL."
I'm sure I'm being a hypocrite because I think I've written a blog with the exact opposite in it, but who cares.
Lesson for the day? Don't trust people. People screw with us everyday, nobody even bats an eyelid. Even when you build it all up to put your trust in someone, to finally have enough faith in them to do that, it's a guarantee that they'll break it down, they'll break YOU down. It turns out that most people just don't care. Sure, you want to tell someone and maybe they'll 'listen'. Maybe they'll offer you 'advice'. But in the end, the majority, and I mean extreme majority, of people that you trust, are just going to hurt you.
Think of the times when people have trusted you. Think of the times when they've opened up to you, poured their heart out to you and entrusted that you would listen, and possibly understand. Yeah, and now think of the times that you've forgotten them. When you've stranded them alone in their time of need, even when you didn't mean it. When they were standing in the middle of the road with cars racing down either side and you stood on the curb and watched. Only when they finally get hit by the car and you realise what you COULD have done but didn't, is when you feel bad. What the heck's wrong with this picture?
On Sunday when I went to sizzler, my cousin's daughter who is 4 years old was there. She's the cutest thing, and even tried to bribe my sister back to her house offering her 100 goats. This little girl is so trusting and overflowing with love. Whatever happened to us? We were like that, until someone threw the first stone. Then we got hit, smacked around, broken, and all of that trust that we were born with went down the drain.
I have God, and four, maybe five friends that I know I can completely trust, out of the heaps of 'friends' that I have. Moral of the lesson? If you say you are going to listen to someone, don't flippin' turn around and stab them in the back later on, even if it's subtle, people notice. If you're going to offer advice, make sure you're going to be there later on to back it up (accidental death excluded, of course). It would've been better if you just said that you didn't want to help. Sure, that would've hurt, but not as much as it did when you abandoned me.
Sorry my blogs are absolute rubbish right now, but I just don't care. What I blog about is what I'm feeling, and if I didn't write this all down somewhere I would have exploded.
Have a nice day. |
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Wilkins
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Location: What?
Tue Aug 07, 2007 5:00 pm |
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Penny, your right. It is hard for somebody like me who is on call around 24 hours to actually listen to people and give them advice. Especially in the morning when I am not awake and it's hard to keep concentration. But you do it and you try because if you don't you are breaking a pact and destorying a promise that you made to your friend.
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-Semi-
Joined: 01 Jul 2007
Posts: 70
Location: Neverland
Tue Aug 07, 2007 5:14 pm |
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So true? I mean i know all about that in your blog. I have some of the shabbiest freinds you can get. But yet. I see no point in ignoring someone. Im agreeing and then again chellenging it.
I say when someone is in need they need just a speck of hope to show someone cares. When someone gives advice it shows that. No matter if you dont mean it or if you won't back it up later. It helps at THAT moment at THAT point in time. And at THOSE points isnt it where we need it most?
But then, going back to that same person and finding out they dont want to help then. It hurts yes. It's a two sided argument with a no balance in the middle.
But then you find those true freinds that you know will always be there and will always stay true. And you know you go to them anytime of day theyll say what you wanna hear and lay there life on what they say.
Yes me balbering on. One of my favourite subjects is this so you know. =]
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Quoth The Raven "Nevermore"
-And That's Why She Isn't Aloud Energy Drinks- |
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upendy
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Tue Aug 07, 2007 5:27 pm |
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Nice replies.
| Quote: | But then you find those true freinds that you know will always be there and will always stay true. And you know you go to them anytime of day theyll say what you wanna hear and lay there life on what they say.
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I wish we could all be like that, ay. 
Anyway, I'd just like everyone to ignore that rubbish blog. I'm not going to delete it, because that's silly, but I'd just like to say that my moods change over the littlest things *coughsomethingnielsensaidcough* and now as I read what I wrote in that blog I see that I am a fool sometimes. I'm sorry, guys, argh. Since Sunday my minds just been screwing up, and probably will for a while. Ignore me til then. |
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upendy
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Tue Aug 07, 2007 6:57 pm |
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After getting over that disgusting angry mood, I wrote this story type thing. Enjoy.
They grew up as brother and sister, and close enough to be good friends. She looked up to him, he inspired her without knowing, as much as a big brother can ever inspire his little sister. Ever since they were both little, he had looked out for her. She fought and screamed at him, thinking that she hated him at some times and wishing that he was there at others. She was sure he was one of the best big brothers in the world. He was a genius and she loved this about him. She was known as his little sister, and she was proud of it, proud to carry his name. People would ask this girl what she wanted to be when she grew up. Without a thought or doubt, she answered with confidence, "I want to be like my brother."
After the years of sibling rivalry passed, high school began for her. Another school, another place where she was well known for the things that he had accomplished there. Teachers warmly welcomed her, knowing well that she could follow in her brother's footsteps if she had the right education. Half way through the first year of high school and things were going brilliant. Straight A's in almost every subject, liked by her peers and known for her common sense and kindness. But rumors started to reach her ears. Things were circulating around the school about her brother, her brother that she loved so much and held so close inside. People said that he was getting himself into trouble. She began to hear about the things that he got up to on the weekends, things that she could never in her right mind imagine her brother doing. She found things he himself had written about his own life, and she had no idea what to think anymore.
All of a sudden all she felt was anger, screaming anger in the midst of her that began to overwhelm. The anger grew, every time she saw him. She found herself quietly screaming at him in her mind. Screaming at him to stop, screaming at him to grow up and be responsible. He would come home later in the nights and sometimes wouldn't come home at all. Their parents didn't know, and it wasn't her place to tell them. She began to notice the once bright spark in his eyes disappearing. Everyone else seemed oblivious to the things that were changing her brother into someone that she didn't know. Someone that she didn't want to know.
"I'm moving out," were the words that he said at the dinner table one night. Their parents were proud of him becoming so grown up, proud that he was finally moving on in the world.. proud of their son becoming a man. Was she the only one that knew? It seemed clear to her why he was leaving their home. He could party more and explain himself less. He could visit when he wanted and easily come up with excuses if 'something else' came up. He could do what he wanted to do, with no restrictions. She just saw that he was killing himself, slowly but surely. He just saw it as freedom.
She was furious. She wanted to throttle him and get some sense into that once brilliant mind. Everyone noticed something was different about her, she no longer wanted his name. She didn't want to follow in his footsteps, didn't want to grow up and be like him. What she had once seen as one of the best brothers in the world, she now saw as a monster. She despised him. Every time she saw him she would frown in disgust and complete lack of the respect she once had. He missed birthdays. He wouldn't come over. He didn't even seem to care. He was not the same brother that she had grown up with. He wasn't even the same person that she had grown up with. She hated what he had done to himself, but he continued to do it.
The anger soon become too much for her. Like a balloon under a heavy weight, she popped. Right in the middle of her bedroom, in her house. The house that had once occupied her brother, the one that she remembered. She sat there and she thought about all the things that he'd said to her that had inspired her, the things that had made him so special to her. She recalled the times when as children he would read her stories, and would watch a scary movie with her. She remembered laughter and tears and anger and happiness. She remembered how much love she had once had for him, the shining admiration that she had carried proudly. The anger she had kept inside for so long disappeared as she cried. She didn't want anger. She didn't want hate. She didn't even want revenge. So what did she want? A thought hit her harder than an arrow hitting it's target.
She just wanted her brother back. |
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dosthecat
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
Posts: 2111
Location: Ippie, QLD
Tue Aug 07, 2007 11:18 pm |
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announcement, if i can get past writer's block, i'll put that story to music. a tone poem, only because i enjoyed reading it.
edit, that's if miss penny is okay with me doing that... |
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upendy
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Wed Aug 08, 2007 7:10 am |
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| *shrug*, go for it. |
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Stevo
Joined: 19 Jun 2007
Posts: 26
Location: Only hole above ground
Wed Aug 08, 2007 2:06 pm |
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I can sympathise with you on that story Penny.
I've got a stack of friends, who were dear to me from high school, who have chosen to walk that path of partying and whatnot. Now I feel awkward when I hear from them to a point where I want to avoid them because I fear that I will say something wrong and judgemental. I suppose that doesn't make me the greatest sort of friend in the world and I know that I should say something, but in theory that works, but in the real world you may end up doing more harm than good. Anyway thats my little spiel and I can understand what with the girl in that story is going through. |
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dosthecat
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
Posts: 2111
Location: Ippie, QLD
Wed Aug 08, 2007 9:47 pm |
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yeah, poor ol' deanman (present company excluded) went down that track. it sort of makes you angry that they're doing it to themselves in the name of 'fun'.
p.s. penny said my present was 'the best present ever', so there! |
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upendy
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Thu Aug 09, 2007 9:33 pm |
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9 August
"Ya mum."
Youth today. Was good. Love. I spent the afternoon at dearest Emily's house with dearest Robert and dearest Elliott, which was fun except her dogs smelled, hehehe. We came to youth and then songs started. During the song before Jesus Is, I got down on my knees. I had to move the song up so I crawled over and did it, then tried to crawl back and fell flat on my back so I thought 'stuff it' and just laid down. Jesus Is came on and my eyes caught the rainbow that the projector makes on the roof. I don't know what happened. I just started to weep silently. I was shaking, and hearing you guys sing with your hearts so for God just made me cry more. I was scared.. scared that I wouldn't be able to be like you guys, ever. And I just cried. And I felt.. loved.
I sat up and sat there for a bit looking at the words on the screen. Jesus, love, glorious, King.. and then Eliza looked over at me and smiled and it set me off again. How could I possibly have such friends as these? I stood up as How Great came on and I started flippin' crying again. He's great. He is, and He can do anything, no matter how big. It was if I could finally see, I guess. Prayer was awesome, thanks guys so much. I'm sitting here in a dark room and I'm not even scared.
So what is love? Tonight I had a new thought about it, a new picture. That rainbow? That rainbow that I saw on the roof and it made me cry? That's love. Love is finding that rainbow, even in the most unlikely place. Love is what you feel when that rainbow falls on you, when all of the colours light you up and you don't feel alone anymore, and you smile. You haven't found it yet? Don't you stop looking, you're going through hell but you're going to find it. Seek and you shall find. Not might find, not small chance in heck find, but you SHALL find. Don't you give up. Not after you've come so far.
I love you guys, take care. |
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dosthecat
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
Posts: 2111
Location: Ippie, QLD
Thu Aug 09, 2007 9:40 pm |
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i love you too, penny...
i got fixed, i feel heaps less angry, and i've even put my most angriest music on to test if it still makes me angry, and so far i've only got bunches of happy and love and peace and all that other good stuff...
hurray! |
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-Semi-
Joined: 01 Jul 2007
Posts: 70
Location: Neverland
Thu Aug 09, 2007 9:41 pm |
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Darlin, wise words. Very wise my dearest Penny.
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Quoth The Raven "Nevermore"
-And That's Why She Isn't Aloud Energy Drinks- |
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upendy
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Sat Aug 11, 2007 1:04 pm |
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11 August
"Friends?"
Mood: Feeling slightly wonked, and I'm not sure what that means so don't ask.
Last night I went to the musical. All my friends met Stevie and Damien/John thought that he was my boyfriend, lol. Anyhow we stood outside and talked for a while. When it finally started, I was absolutely shocked to see how awesome it was! They all did a great job, and if youth wasn't on tonight I'd go and see it again for sure. Afterwards, Elle and Josh came out and we gave them hugs and got a photo. Everyone went home and I stood outside school talking to Phoebe for a while, then my mum came so I went home. I was all happy and stuff until one of the weirdest things happened, no joke. I was sitting at the computer being all like '<33333' and 'fhjdgksfh' with Eliza and suddenly BANG.
Have you ever been lonely?
No, that's not a rhetorical question, have you ever been lonely? Think back, for some of you it won't be that long ago, for some of you it'll be right now. Anyway, so here I was, sitting at the computer, and BANG this absolutely HUGE feeling of loneliness just hit me from nowhere, and I'm just like, what the lol, where did this come from? Have you ever been to the beach? You'll be standing in the water and something will draw your attention away from the waves, and out of nowhere you just get smashed, and it hurts. This is a bit what it felt like, and you know what made me the most sad? That it wasn't unfamiliar at all. I just sat here as the happiness just disappeared, seriously. And it scared the living daylights out of me. I just wanted to cry (which seems to be happening a lot lately, lol!).
So this got me thinking, what reason on EARTH do I have to be lonely? I'd had a great day, seen an amazing performance and even gotten a hug from Elle!! So what the heck was going on? I still don't know, and this feeling is getting worse and I just feel like sinking into my chair and I don't even know why. I'm sick of this stupid feeling, and when I say that I mean it's making me physically sick. And I'm over it.
Arg.
I didn't mean to complain, sorry.
I just.. arg, I don't even know.
Question, have you ever felt like this?
Cos I'd like to give you a hug. |
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dosthecat
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
Posts: 2111
Location: Ippie, QLD
Sat Aug 11, 2007 2:11 pm |
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yeah, i used to get that alot. come to think of it, i used to get alot of things alot.
but hang in there penny, it'll fix. god always wins, because he rigged it that way so we could all see how awesome he is. |
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upendy
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Sat Aug 11, 2007 2:29 pm |
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He is pretty darn awesome. A whole lot of the loneliness got fixed when I started to write another appreciation type thing for all of you, and I don't even think I'm going to post it now. But still, it was great fun writing it, so loneliness can just go die.
In other news I just found out that I had a great grandmother who was a crazy cat lady with 27 cats. I just thought you'd like to know.  |
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Wilkins
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Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3452
Location: What?
Sat Aug 11, 2007 2:46 pm |
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| dosthecat wrote: |
but hang in there penny, it'll fix. god always wins, because he rigged it that way so we could all see how awesome he is. |
If God always wins, then how come how come there are so many suicudes in Australia?
http://www.wesleymission.org.au/publications/r&d/suicide.htm
Look at the facts dude. Are these looking like the facts of "God always winning"?
I think not!
I don't mean to act as a stench in here Penny, but the whole "God has victory" thing is a touchy subject. Because I look around at people who are currently burning in Hell, and will be when Judgement comes and hardly see a "winning situation". Look at the people who are prostitutes, drug addicts, rapists, murderers and whatever have you. Does it look like a victorious situation? I see a victorious situation as somebody actually winning and not getting kicked out of a land He created.
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Stevo
Joined: 19 Jun 2007
Posts: 26
Location: Only hole above ground
Sat Aug 11, 2007 3:05 pm |
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I know what u mean Penny with the sudden attack of loneliness. I had the exact same thing happen to me after thursday night youth. It suddenly dawned on me that the only true friends I have are you guys at youth. I do have a great bunch of mates at uni and work that I enjoy hanging with, but they are just mates, not friends, if you can get my meaning.
Anyway, I'd like to say a very big shoutout all of you guys. Especially to Robbie and Semi for trying to cheer me up and keep me awake on P&W night, to Shane too for our entertaining chat afterwards, to Penny and Ellie for always being great friends and always putting a smile on my face, and to all of the others who rocked up on Thursday too, thanks a lot, cos in a roundabout way, your energy is something that I 'feed' off (for lack of a better word, hmm that didnt sound they way that I wanted).
I know its not natural for someone my age to have more fun hanging with people younger than me, hopefully that doesnt make me pedo in any of your eyes, but you guys are the BEST and I love you all  . You're all a great inspiration to me.
Hmm, not a very manly thing to say, I know, but there it is.
Cheers for everything guys and I hope to see most of you there tonight for the rubber band fight. For those who can't get there because of the musical best of luck and I was ASTOUNDED  and AMAZED at the performance, I had a BALL (words cant describe how much I enjoyed that performance) I'm very proud of all of you.
Sorry for hogging your blog Penny. |
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upendy
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Sat Aug 11, 2007 3:33 pm |
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Wilkins, I know what you mean ay. I'm gonna ask Vicki about that tonight, and see if I can find out more from the scriptual side of things.
Haha Stephen, it's not a problem, you're an awesome friend. Feel free to hog my blog (that sounds great, hog my blog) anytime, everyone else has fun doing it, so go ahead.  |
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That Guy
Joined: 31 May 2007
Posts: 821
Sat Aug 11, 2007 5:42 pm |
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wilkins, a very wise person once said you know why god lets people commit suicied ? to put them out of their misery i mean i spose it isnt a a very happy thought but he just can stand up being absoltuley wrecked and hoplesly hurting like that .
and penny they dont know god i think most of the time with people that have a really god realtion ship with god as you do will win you have a strong hold ,keep strong and he will give you somewhere to hold .
thats rather clever im proud of my self for that saying
youll get over it
yes i used to get that every day now its just now and then i got it when i was over emilys house i mean you and elliot and her were there but i just felt like i was invisible and really loneley but emily forced me out of it thanks emily :p
sometimes its stronger and i get in a slump .
for the people who stop to rest have a harder time to get up again than the people who dont stop and keep going .
ooh i like that one as well [/quote]
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Wilkins
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Joined: 30 May 2006
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Sat Aug 11, 2007 6:18 pm |
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| That Guy wrote: | | wilkins, a very wise person once said you know why god lets people commit suicied ? to put them out of their misery |
God does not want anybody to go to Hell. So why would he let anybody commit suicide. From a crap life of misery to eternity in hell... I hardly see how that is putting somebody out of one's misery.
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That Guy
Joined: 31 May 2007
Posts: 821
Sat Aug 11, 2007 9:46 pm |
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i know this is probably being some other fancy dancy word that means im being stupid and wrong which i probably am but meh thats eh ask him what he was talking about or something i know it seems a bit weird but i know what hes talking about .
i mean hell sure sucks but torture and there will be a ganshin of teeth n stuff but if he did live you couldeve done something really bad like the people that went to that school and sho all the christians . i mean well i lose . i spose so but that person also said that he cant interfere directly with our lives.
again probably wrong or something but meh you win
i like those 2 little smart sayings things that i made up though :p
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dosthecat
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
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Location: Ippie, QLD
Sat Aug 11, 2007 10:03 pm |
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i've explained this to penny... i won't explain it here yet, because i'm far too tired and i'll probably end up with lots of questions afterwards.
but god winz. if you say that there is no victory in christ you are basically a heretic... |
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Wilkins
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Sat Aug 11, 2007 10:58 pm |
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I'm no heretic. I'm just asking questions. I don't see how a person commiting suicide and doing to hell is giving victory to Christ
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dosthecat
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
Posts: 2111
Location: Ippie, QLD
Sun Aug 12, 2007 12:42 pm |
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that's basically my point exactly. you don't see how a person committing suicide is giving victory to christ.
you might never understand the ways of god in this lifetime...
"But thanks be to God, which giveth us victory through our lord Jesus Christ." - 1cor 15.57
not a perfectly relevant verse, but use your imagination.
you might never understand, but with that there is chance to see many of the things of god. but obviously, the only way to see something of god is to look for it instead of walking around declaring, "i can't find it". look for it, wilkins. if it's there, you'll find it. |
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Wilkins
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Sun Aug 12, 2007 1:54 pm |
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Mmmmmmmmmmm. I guess your right. Thanks for the scripture btw Elliot.
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dosthecat
Joined: 10 Sep 2006
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Location: Ippie, QLD
Sun Aug 12, 2007 2:07 pm |
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no worries...
i saw just now, twentyone pages... i think before long we'll have another 'ryans thread' on our hands, only more cheerful. |
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